dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
