i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
