You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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