Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
