he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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