He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
