if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
