I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
ttyl tear gas
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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