8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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