i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
