Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
All the doctor said was why
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
