he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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