Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
