now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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