I just pynch a tree in the face
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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