so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
So vagazzling was a success
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Randomize
