I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
