I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
