Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
