Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
