This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Two words: blizzard sex
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
