Three words: puerto rican gang bang
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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