i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Randomize
