never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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