So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
