Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Blood and glitter go together right?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
