drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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