There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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