Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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