put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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