I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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