just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
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