We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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