how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
