doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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