sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
you are never too drunk for berry picking
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
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