he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
