Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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