Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
