It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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