wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
