Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Is it because I queefed?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
