I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
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