Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
