He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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