her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
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