oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
