i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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