yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
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