i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
