i think i have herpe
just one?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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