How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
