How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
